clear a path
muchachos y muchachas:
i'm coming back for christmas. i'll be in springfield about 9:00 on the 23rd, and i have to be back at o'hare by the morning of the 29th. which means probably no stop in champaign. that means somebody in springfield has to have sex with me. i'm 6'1, rich, sexxy, disease free, and i swear to god i'll be driving a van with a wheelchair lift in it. you heard right! i have a van!
here's a bit of trivia you'll probably enjoy: i haven't had sex in sangamon county since 2002.
so let's make it happen! i mean it. this can be my christmas present from the town. designate one girl to take one for the team, and the whole town gets by with not buying me a present. it's like sacrificing a virgin so i spare your town for another year. fear godphilla, king of monsters!
posted by phillip @ 10:09 PM
6 Comments:
since we're too old to have sex with eachother and you're all unpure and extra non-virgin
i will drive you around in my flashy bug car while you hunt down chicks
the handicap van might slow you down
Sorry, Phil. I don't live in Springfield anymore.
man
if you can't get a piece of jess and/or meliss you might as well stay out of town
there's no reason to leave WA at all
i hope you don't lose your will to live ...
Happy Thanksgiving! Gobble gobble.
Yay for Phil coming! To get you laid all we need is to have you lose some teeth, find a birthday group, find drunk birthday girl, take advantage of friends not paying attention to said girl because they are saving the president from terrorists, move in, win drunk birthday girl. It's perfect.
Really big suitcase + Aileen Wurnos lookalike on the corner= Phil O's big holiday score!!
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