cash moves everything around me

haven't blogged in awhile, don't have funny stories. if you like funny, just skip this shit.

i bought a bed worth two months' rent and immediately switched back to sleeping flat on my back. all this time i thought i was sleeping on my stomach out of insecurity. no, turns out i needed a new mattress. gave the old bed to my new neighbor, who just moved into old crazy's apartment, which meant i didn't have to pay to have it taken away, and i made a new friend who feels like he's eternally indebted to me for my shitty old mattress. hey, turns out it's really easy to make friends when you're rich. who knew?

aeon flux was total shit. there's some twirling, some one-piece futuristic costumes and sets, and a story...where do i start with the story? someone bought the rights to the characters and set them in a completely random story with literally zero similarity to any story that ever appeared in the original series. i never thought i'd ask this, but why couldn't this movie be more like beavis and butthead do america?

speaking of doing america, big ups to ed and pals as they do new orleans again. pour some yankee money into flood town and blow some shit up. i'm gonna do it urban and cold this year, but hopefully i can still get a black eye out of the night.

speaking of falling in love, i narrowly escaped a brush with a relationship this week. man, that was a close call! can you imagine? me being all lame and not going out because i'm too busy having sex? good thing she just got out of a relationship because really, i don't need the complications. or some chick throwing her perfect body at me all the time, like what am i gonna do with that? do you know how awkward it is when i'm trying to have a conversation and i put my arm around your waist and i accidentally stop speaking? call me when you've got a little beer belly, ok sugar?

or how about you call me when you're ready to date somebody again. i'm not going anywhere. k, i'm out, pool with the boys. let's. get. krunk.