clear a path

muchachos y muchachas:

i'm coming back for christmas. i'll be in springfield about 9:00 on the 23rd, and i have to be back at o'hare by the morning of the 29th. which means probably no stop in champaign. that means somebody in springfield has to have sex with me. i'm 6'1, rich, sexxy, disease free, and i swear to god i'll be driving a van with a wheelchair lift in it. you heard right! i have a van!

here's a bit of trivia you'll probably enjoy: i haven't had sex in sangamon county since 2002.

so let's make it happen! i mean it. this can be my christmas present from the town. designate one girl to take one for the team, and the whole town gets by with not buying me a present. it's like sacrificing a virgin so i spare your town for another year. fear godphilla, king of monsters!

linus wong is mine

something keeps reminding me of the hippie who stole matt's power drill in the spring.

i've started carrying treats in my pocket because i'm sick of city dogs being unimpressed by me.

i smoked out a 75-year-old man named ed. twice. he always carries a pipe and a doctor's note saying it's for his glaucoma.

sam's coming to visit a week from tomorrow, and he's requested that i not take him to bars. melissa thinks he and his girl probably already had a conversation about it.

i don't know what i'm trying to pull here, i can't write. i'm furious and i hate this city sometimes.