pity party's over

i slept with her

cash moves everything around me

haven't blogged in awhile, don't have funny stories. if you like funny, just skip this shit.

i bought a bed worth two months' rent and immediately switched back to sleeping flat on my back. all this time i thought i was sleeping on my stomach out of insecurity. no, turns out i needed a new mattress. gave the old bed to my new neighbor, who just moved into old crazy's apartment, which meant i didn't have to pay to have it taken away, and i made a new friend who feels like he's eternally indebted to me for my shitty old mattress. hey, turns out it's really easy to make friends when you're rich. who knew?

aeon flux was total shit. there's some twirling, some one-piece futuristic costumes and sets, and a story...where do i start with the story? someone bought the rights to the characters and set them in a completely random story with literally zero similarity to any story that ever appeared in the original series. i never thought i'd ask this, but why couldn't this movie be more like beavis and butthead do america?

speaking of doing america, big ups to ed and pals as they do new orleans again. pour some yankee money into flood town and blow some shit up. i'm gonna do it urban and cold this year, but hopefully i can still get a black eye out of the night.

speaking of falling in love, i narrowly escaped a brush with a relationship this week. man, that was a close call! can you imagine? me being all lame and not going out because i'm too busy having sex? good thing she just got out of a relationship because really, i don't need the complications. or some chick throwing her perfect body at me all the time, like what am i gonna do with that? do you know how awkward it is when i'm trying to have a conversation and i put my arm around your waist and i accidentally stop speaking? call me when you've got a little beer belly, ok sugar?

or how about you call me when you're ready to date somebody again. i'm not going anywhere. k, i'm out, pool with the boys. let's. get. krunk.

some beach

seventy percent of the world's population lives within a hundred miles of the ocean. that means most people are a couple hours' drive from the beach. forty-five percent of valencians (the city, not the region. the region can fuck itself) go to the beach once a month or more. even if you have to work all week, on saturday you just grab a towel and bus it down to the beach. even though their sand is kind of smelly and dirty, it works the same way all over the world: you lay down for an hour, then you get too hot so you get in the water, put more sunscreen on (unless you're brown or black, you lucky thing) and do it all again.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck i hate winter. even in seattle, where it's not so bad. best skiing on the continent, sure, great. but please let's be honest with ourselves. beaches are better than mountains. california is better than washington and everybody knows it. too many people in california? that's because it's great there! chicago, seriously, that's not a real beach, but way to make do with what you have.

my aunt sharon bought a plane ticket to tampa when she was my age and just didn't get on the plane home. she sent for her things and married a pilot. she's picked up a barely noticeable cuban accent from twenty-five years of teaching in florida schools.

in conclusion, i like the beach.

-phillip